If You're Nice About It, Call Me Allison

  "Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there, I did not die." -Clare Harner Imagine that for as long as you can remember, you’ve been asked to stand in a field and hold a balloon. You do not understand why this field or this balloon or the particular importance of why you need to do this. But everyone tells you that you do. It’s the only way you can get approval.  And so you do it to please. Everyone seems happy about this but you. You notice the sun has emerged from the clouds to bake your face. It’s making you uncomfortable. You want to go inside and drink a Pepsi, not caring what happens to the balloon. But you’ve been told that the sun is God and it will be furious with you if you let go of the balloon. You don’t want to make God angry. So you hold on tight.   I’m 5. Perhaps 6 or 7 but let’s just go with 5. One of my earliest memories is of my friend Sue. Sue had long, strawberry blonde hair that fascinated me. Indelible in my memory is a day in class when I ob...

  But it was never supposed to be for you It was supposed to be for someone not you Who had shown me scorn Who had not taken me when I was wandering Who had not loved me when I stumbled I don't want to break YOUR hearts Narratives don't fit I refuse ours to be one of hate But now I have to be me And I want that to be in service to you And I know that's not what you want I just didn't want it to be this hard And so for my last performance I bare in pain the man you loved The man I cannot be anymore I witness to my love for you And take my leave And when you hear the truth You will likely grieve that man You need not look further than the steps to your altar For he was not there Except for my heart Which always defaults to love It is grievous that God wrote love in the cosmos And humans rewrote it with hate We meet some day at the foot of the Cross Because love wins out Remember how I told you that story? Old and familiar but still comforting I hope I told it well